Vulnerabilities

So I read this book "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown.  It was interesting.  I didn't get as much out of it as I thought I would, but it made me think, so that was good.  (Or maybe not....sometimes I think too much.)

Anyway....something she talked about frequently....or at least stuck out to me was vulnerabilities and how we tend to hide them.  Are you a vulnerability hider?  I think everyone is, it's just how much so.  Brown talked about how there are three areas in which people are the most vulnerable: dancing, singing and laughing.   I found this SO interesting.  I know there are people who don't like to do these things because they are embarassed, but man alive, I am not one of them.   Here's a bit about me on each of these topics

• Laughing - I snort when I laugh.  Sometimes really loud.  I get teased about it, I get egged on to try to get a snort.  Friends and family judge how funny something is by how many times I snort.  Sometimes I'll try to hold it in (which essentially means it is delayed, they always come out), but HECK, IT'S ME!  It's who I am.  I didn't used to snort.  Something happened during my pregnancies....it started after Peder was born and got way more prevalent after the girls.  I'm the girl who laughs so hard she snorts.  I'd rather laugh so hard I snort then not laugh at all.
• Singing - I sing A LOT.  I sing to my kids, I sing in the shower, I sing along with the radio.  If you're driving down the road and you start laughing at someone who is jamming along to the radio, it's probably me you're laughing at.  There are pictures of me unabashedly singing my guts out on facebook.  Yep, I'm the girl who can't carry a tune but sings at the top of her lungs.
• Dancing - OH MY GOODNESS!  I love to dance!  L-O-V-E IT!  We have dance parties around our living room and kitchen.  If I hear a song I like while at a store or restaurant I will start singing and dancing along.  I'm pretty sure I get this from my mom (She was SO embarrassing when I was a kid! LOL).  I have memories of dancing around with my parents when I was growing up and one of my favorites is dancing around a cabin we rented to the song "If I had a Million Dollars" the summer before I left for college.  Right now my workouts are to Just Dance 2 and Gold Gym's Dance Workout on our Wii.

Apparently these are not my vulnerabilities.  I'm a free spirit.  I don't embarrass easily.  I will NEVER be ashamed of having a good time through laughing, singing or dancing.   These things help to get me out of my head when I'm thinking too much, when I'm very grumpy or when I'm just having a hard day.

This is my current favorite song to sing and dance to.  I crank it every time I drive to school.  Don't let a moment slip away!

Book Group Christmas Party

Tonight was my church book group's Christmas party.  WHAT A BLAST!  It was at a member of our group's house (Beth H.) and she was a wonderful hostess.  Including me, there were 14 women there, and that means a ton of laughter and a ton of fun.  People brought a lot of delicious food and we all enjoyed the special treats.

Beth had her house all decorated.  This was on her dining room table....the mood throughout the house was festive and warm.  Perfect for a party!

Here is a picture of most of the group.  One person wasn't there yet, I'm taking the picture and Beth J. is hiding from the camera.  I was nice and didn't post the picture I secretly took of her.  :)

We played the dice game and fought over presents.  I was lucky enough that I got the present I wanted right away and no one tried to steal mine.  :)  This picture is Beth J., Beth H. and Leslie participating in the battle for the movie.  Carol ended up winning it, but the scramble betweeen these three was hilarious.  The whole game had us laughing, especially when people got to steal the gift they really wanted or someone stole that extra special gift.  I really haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

The night finally started to wind down at about 9:30p.  We were all shocked to see the time.  Beth H. was a wonderful hostess and sent us all home with a Poinsettia.

What a great and wonderful way to start out December and the holiday season!

Yeah....exhausted again

I'm exhausted again. It's unbelievable how tired I am right now. I crashed last night and when my alarm went off this morning it went right into my dream. I was annoyed at someone because they couldn't figure out how to turn off their iPod alarm (that's what mine is) and in my dream I finally ripped the iPod out of the person's hand to shut it off and Jake woke me up to tell me my alarm was going off. Ha ha...oops.

Today's Smileys:

1. A smooth drop off and pick up at preschool. No tantrums from the girls this time.

2. A yummy left over lunch.

3. "If Grace is True " by Philip Gulley and James Mulholland. Everyone should read this book. It has some wonderful, thought provoking points. I can't wait to read more about it.

4. Funny emails from some funny girls in my life.

5. Jake's mom got a job in Atlanta...I think they are very excited about the move. It's something they've been hoping for for quite some time.

6. Goofing off with the family when Jake got home from work.

7. Yummy strawberries and a visit from Leslie.

8. Mari blowing kisses to Leslie when she left. Really cute.

9. My book group. What a great group of ladies.

10. Some really thought provoking discussions tonight at book group. Learning how much I have in common with these women. I loved our discussion tonight.

11. Going to bed. I will be in bed within 10 minutes of this being published. Night!

Sheer Exhaustion

I'm exhausted. I'tmes been a long and busy day.

Today's smileys:

1. Peder's excitement at school.

2. Emmy carrying Peder's backpack to school for him.

3. Emmy trying to go to school with Peder and throwing a massive tantrum when she couldn't.

4. A successful vegan cake.

5. A successful wedding shower.

6. A new book group book.

7. Talking with my book group ladies again. It was nice to just chat.

8. A clean living room when I got home from the shower.

9. Beth giving me a ride to and from the shower so Jake didn't have to load the kids into and out of the van.

10. Peder scolding me for forgetting my phone at home.

11. Saying good night to each of my kids when I got home.

12. Falling asleep in Jake's arms while he watches a movie.

I seem to be random

I am starting to write posts that are just a compilation of my random thoughts or activities of the time since my last post. A lot of times when I sit down to write my blog it is at the end of the day or when I get a moment of peace, so that is never conducive to a thoughtful post about some of the things I encounter daily. If I had the ability to write daily, you would all know that I can form long complete, thoughtful posts that aren't just a bunch of jibberish. Until then you get the jibberish! :)

1. I continue to be completely enthralled with my and Jake's genealogy. I got the ancestry.com program Family Tree Maker and have been entering information since. It's pretty cool and I'm very excited. I just find it so interesting.

2. I bought the Family Tree Maker program at a "Liquidation Sale" at the St. Paul River Centre. That and the 3 pairs of sunglasses I got made the trip worth it, but we will NEVER go again. I have an issue with crowds and cannot handle strange people bumping into me. Couple that with 2 booths selling perfumes (scent overload) and several booths selling speakers (sound overload) and you get a guarantee of never seeing me at one of those again.

3. We picked out a new paint color for our kitchen walls on Friday. I think we are going to end up with a much nicer kitchen, even with just painting the cupboards and walls. We're hoping we can get some new countertops in the next couple of months too. This "remodel" is just a little project to get it looking somewhat nice until we can do the one we're planning in a couple of years.

4. A quote from the book my book group is reading right now, Speaking of Faith by Krista Tippett:

I sense that seeing the world the way God sees the world means, in part,
grieving in places the world does not forgive, and rejoicing in places the world
does not notice. It would mean, therefore, to live with a patience that
culture cannot sustain, and with a hope the world cannot imagine.

I love that quote and I see it as a great way to view life and the world. I would LOVE to say thaqt I have great patience, but I DON'T. It is something I've really been trying to work on, but seem to be failing miserably at. I told Jake the other day that I think God always puts slow drivers in front of me to teach me patience and once I learn patience I will no longer get stuck behind slow drivers (it's a joke between us, I always get stuck behind people going 10+ miles below the posted speed limit). Patience is something I REALLY want to have and am trying to learn, but struggle with on a regular basis.

I think I have a great deal of hope. This has really changed about me in recent years. I used to not be a hopeful person, a real pessimist actually, but now I see things and hope for the best. I do tend to get discouraged at times or when I see a great atrocity committed, but I really do have hope for humanity as a whole.

5. The girls had their first set of pig tails today. Pretty stinkin' cute.

6. Peder crawls into bed with us every weekend morning and snuggles between Jake and I before we head downstairs and get the girls. I love that we that and how cute he is tucked under the covers between us.

7. Jake is such a good hubby and daddy. I love watching him with the kids. They have their little routines that they do and they are just so cute when they play.

A Post-nap Fog

That's what I'm in right now. But it actually feels good. I was SO exhausted after I put the kids down for a nap that I once again crashed on the chaise lounge. I was also SO freaking cold that I was in my Snuggie blankie, under another blankie and had the GLORIOUS rice filled washcloth my mom made all us girls for Christmas warming me up. I was out in minutes and I think I got about an hour and a half nap in. WON-DER-FUL!

The girls had their 18 month appointments this morning and can I just say how NOT fun that was? Mari was crabby all morning anyway and then she just was not happy about others touching her right now. And Emmy, of course, hates all things medical so she screamed through her whole exam too. At least we got a bit of a comedic break. Mari was so upset about having to get weighed that she refused to sit down, so she was standing on the scale, on the counter top, buck naked just crying. She couldn't get her diaper back on fast enough. Somehow, 5 minutes later her diaper was off and she was walking around the exam room buck naked again. That girl LOVES running off diaperless and now her clinic knows it.

Emmy's weight is still a concern. This morning she weighed in at 17 lbs. 5 ounces. Last week she was 17 lbs. 12 ounces. So once again she got the stomach flu and went back a step. It's very frustrating for us because whenever she makes any progress something happens where she is either hospitalized or gets sick and she loses whatever weight she has gained. Since June of 2008 she has gained a pound. She's actually been up over 18 pounds a couple of times, but we can't seem to keep that weight on. It's VERY hard to know what to do.

On the upside, in one week, ONE WEEK, she will no longer have a colostomy bag. SERIOUSLY! Without the colostomy bag, our hope is that if she gets sick it won't affect her the same and she'll not have as hard a time with it since she'll have use of her colon. I'm so excited! Of course, there is the nervousness that goes along with any surgery and the deep fears that go with it, but this is the surgery we've been waiting for. SO EXCITING!

Tomorrow I have my first PT appointment for my pelvis. Wish me luck! I'm really hoping that tomorrow is the first step in a wonderful recovery process.

This Saturday my parents are taking the kids and we're having our "Christmas Party" with my uncle that I do administrative work for while the kids are napping. We're going to the Downtowner Woodfire Grill. A nice dinner out, a good time and the kids having fun at Grandpa and Grandma's....it will be a GREAT night!

Last night was book group at church. I love those ladies (hi there my other bloggers!) and I love the discussions we have. Right now we're discussing a book on how to revitalize our church. It's VERY interesting to see where people think our church needs to grow and what the strengths are. Last night was just such a good discussion. I went to book club feeling cruddy and exhausted and I left still feeling exhausted but my soul felt lighter. It's SO great to have that.

I want to end today's post with some of my favorite Peder quotes of late. He is constantly cracking me up with his very adult sounding responses to things. So here are some of my favorites:
"Okay, sounds good!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I think it's a good idea."

That's all for now! Thanks for the encouraging notes, they reall do help!

Soul Food and the deep need for it

Last night I got some great soul food....my book group was finally back in session. It was a smaller group then normal, but it was SO great to start reconnecting with this group of women. Seriously, who would have thought that 3 weeks without them would leave me feeling so grumpy. This group is so good for my soul. Not only do I learn a lot, but they're my friends and a great support system.

I got to talk to someone besides Jake or my family about my excitement for Emmy's upcoming surgery and concern for what the future holds when it comes to future surgeries. I also got to vocalize my concerns with my current level of pain when it comes to my pelvis. I talked a lot this week, apparently I had a lot I needed to get off my chest. I've been down in the dumps because of the level of pain I'm in and because we haven't had a healthy house since December 16th....someone has been sick since then.

Anyway, I got my soul fed and am hoping that will help me get over this crud I've been fighting. Besides being grumpy about being sick and in pain, things are actually going pretty well around here. I love my little family and every day feel overwhelming love and joy. I got home from book group last night and went to say good night to all the kids (they were all awake in their beds). I got a great, "HI MOMMA!" from both of the girls when I walked into their room and they both instantly reached for me for hugs. Then I told Peder I was going to come and tuck him in and he got a HUGE smile on his face and went running back to his bed. I said good night to him and we both shared a long belly laugh....I love that I'm SO hilarious to these kiddos. Then I got to spend some time chatting and snuggling with Jake on the chaise lounge. LOVE IT! An exhausting day, but it ended perfectly.