Comfort

All day today I have felt like I was hit by a truck. I've been exhausted and barely able to function. All three kids decided to "comfort" me as I was trying to fall asleep on the chaise (the stairs seemed too difficult a challenge). Here is what it looks like when you have three kids and a baby doll "comforting" you in a very small space (notice my half-lidded eyes? I was asleep before they all crawled on top of me):
Emmy giving me a hug.

So you can really tell how cramped the space was.

Can you tell that I'm loved? :)

Taking a Sabbatical

I have decided to take a sabbatical next week, at least from my "extra-curricular" activities in the evenings. No meetings, no book group, and nothing planned at night. I'll go to work on Tuesday and that's it.

We have been so busy lately that I'm exhausted, I haven't been able to get caught up around the house, and I need a bit of a break. So the things that can be set aside for a week so that I can get back on track are going to be.

I've started working on getting things back on track these last couple of days and it will be GREAT to have the time in the evenings to get caught up. LOVE IT!

Just thinking about it makes me feel better!

I seem to be random

I am starting to write posts that are just a compilation of my random thoughts or activities of the time since my last post. A lot of times when I sit down to write my blog it is at the end of the day or when I get a moment of peace, so that is never conducive to a thoughtful post about some of the things I encounter daily. If I had the ability to write daily, you would all know that I can form long complete, thoughtful posts that aren't just a bunch of jibberish. Until then you get the jibberish! :)

1. I continue to be completely enthralled with my and Jake's genealogy. I got the ancestry.com program Family Tree Maker and have been entering information since. It's pretty cool and I'm very excited. I just find it so interesting.

2. I bought the Family Tree Maker program at a "Liquidation Sale" at the St. Paul River Centre. That and the 3 pairs of sunglasses I got made the trip worth it, but we will NEVER go again. I have an issue with crowds and cannot handle strange people bumping into me. Couple that with 2 booths selling perfumes (scent overload) and several booths selling speakers (sound overload) and you get a guarantee of never seeing me at one of those again.

3. We picked out a new paint color for our kitchen walls on Friday. I think we are going to end up with a much nicer kitchen, even with just painting the cupboards and walls. We're hoping we can get some new countertops in the next couple of months too. This "remodel" is just a little project to get it looking somewhat nice until we can do the one we're planning in a couple of years.

4. A quote from the book my book group is reading right now, Speaking of Faith by Krista Tippett:

I sense that seeing the world the way God sees the world means, in part,
grieving in places the world does not forgive, and rejoicing in places the world
does not notice. It would mean, therefore, to live with a patience that
culture cannot sustain, and with a hope the world cannot imagine.

I love that quote and I see it as a great way to view life and the world. I would LOVE to say thaqt I have great patience, but I DON'T. It is something I've really been trying to work on, but seem to be failing miserably at. I told Jake the other day that I think God always puts slow drivers in front of me to teach me patience and once I learn patience I will no longer get stuck behind slow drivers (it's a joke between us, I always get stuck behind people going 10+ miles below the posted speed limit). Patience is something I REALLY want to have and am trying to learn, but struggle with on a regular basis.

I think I have a great deal of hope. This has really changed about me in recent years. I used to not be a hopeful person, a real pessimist actually, but now I see things and hope for the best. I do tend to get discouraged at times or when I see a great atrocity committed, but I really do have hope for humanity as a whole.

5. The girls had their first set of pig tails today. Pretty stinkin' cute.

6. Peder crawls into bed with us every weekend morning and snuggles between Jake and I before we head downstairs and get the girls. I love that we that and how cute he is tucked under the covers between us.

7. Jake is such a good hubby and daddy. I love watching him with the kids. They have their little routines that they do and they are just so cute when they play.

Circumstance and Family

I had a fabulous weekend at my scrapbooking retreat. I got 35 layouts done, which was awesome. I got completely done with all the pictures I had printed for Mari (through June 0f 2008) and did my 38 week pregnancy pictures for Emmy's album. I stopped working at that point because I was getting so emotional looking at her newborn pictures that I decided to just work on those pages at home. So since my monthly dinner with my Special Kids Special Needs group was cancelled, I'm going to get started on those pages.

Here is one of the pictures in Emmy's 38 week pregnancy layout. This was the morning the girls were born....exactly 38 weeks.

Looking at those pictures of Emmy brought back memories of when Peder was born. He had pretty bad jaundice and we had to have a special light blanket here at home to help him break up the bilirubin. A nurse came and explained to me how to use it and after she left I burst into tears because I was so worried about Peder. It amazes me how much circumstance can change your perspective.

Peder at 3 days old. Wrapped in his biliblanket to get rid of the jaundice.

Emmy at 3 days, post-operatively and still on the ventilator. Look how far she's come!

My newest thing that I have been into lately is my ancestry and genealogy. I got started when I came across the name Godfrey Diekmann in my book group chapter this week. I had to figure out if I was related to him in some way (through my mom and grandpa's side of the family). I got sucked in to ancestry.com. I entered a ton of information from Jake's side of the family and did a bit of searching about different people from his past. Then last night I took the kids to visit my parents. I went meaning to ask my dad about one book that I knew he had, and I came home with three books about my ancestry and genealogy. Jake and I were up until 12:30a perusing the books and learning a bit about where my family comes from. It's really very cool and I'll probably be talking more about it in the future.

Our Day

Today I woke up crabby. VERY CRABBY. No clue why, it was just how my day was destined to start out. And until about lunch time I was really struggling to remain calm and not get frustrated with the kiddos. For some reason at lunch, it got easier. The kids were happily eating and we just enjoyed that time together.

Then nap time came and both girls woke up at 1p (after being down for less then an hour) with poopy diapers. I laid the girls back down and left them to go back to sleep. They didn't, they played and chatted and threw stuff out of their cribs. At 3p I went in and in my stern Mommy voice said, "Naughty. It is time for nigh-nigh. Lay down and go to sleep." Both girls hung their heads in shame (which is hilarious in itself, Peder NEVER did this) and seemed to be saying, "We're sorry Mommy. We will lay down and go to sleep as soon as you leave the room." That is, until I realized although they were hanging their heads in "shame," they also had little grins on their faces behind their pacifiers. So in reality they were saying, "We're sorry Mommy. We'll try to be quieter. Will you please leave now so we can get back to playing?" Amazing how a sneaky grin can change what they are saying, isn't it?

Then after they did fall asleep for a bit I went in and got Emmy. She was in a FABULOUS mood. Giggling and chatting, dancing and just in general a happy girl. This made my mood soar and I left for the errands I had to run in a great mood, smiling about my giggly girl.

For those of you who drive Robert Street often, you know as I do that the driving on this road is HORRIBLE. I see idiotic drivers elsewhere and say, "Wow that is some Robert Street driving." Granted, the street is horribly set up and with the amount of traffic on it on any given day it can be a nightmare to turn on to, but even with those things, the driving is just DUMB most of the time. I encountered 3 really dumb drivers on drive and one dad swearing at his 8-10 year old son. Back to being grumpy.

I walked in the door and got greeted by three little kids yelling, "HI MOMMY! HI MOMMY! HI MOMMY!" Now how can I resist that? I got a ton of love and hugs and kisses and it makes it great to come home!

I'm preparing for my weekend away. I'll be leaving when Jake gets home from work tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday afternoon. A weekend filled with scrapbooking, food and other scrapbookers. WA-HOO!

A couple of funny things the kids are doing lately:

- Mari runs around the house being silly and saying, "I SO SILLY!" It's hilarious.

- Emmy had a dirty diaper tonight and I didn't realize the minute it happened. She climbed off the couch and started pushing down her pants and diaper saying, "Uh OH! UH OH!"

- I told Peder to go into time out for hitting the computer. Mari walked into Peder's room and beat Peder to the "time out chair." I looked in there and they were both half sitting on the chair in time out.

I hope you all are doing well and I will write again when I get home from my weekend of fun!

The End of the Weekend

Today was a good weekend. We had a ton of fun yesterday and today was a very relaxing day. We went to church, grabbed lunch on the way home (a new tradition) and Jake was the only one who didn't take a nap this afternoon (well, Peder technically didn't, but he had quiet time). We played the evening away and just enjoyed some family time at home. So besides the fact that yesterday was horrible on my hips, back and pelvis, we had an excellent day.

Some fun little tidbits from our day:
1. We saw about 10 wild turkeys on the side of the road on our way home from church. One of them was pushing 40 pounds....he was the BIGGEST wild turkey Jake or I had ever seen.

2. Mari went upstairs with Jake and after coming back downstairs she "put the gate back up." At least in the way a 19 month old can. Pretty cute.

3. Emmy giggled and flirted in church today. Everyone was SO happy to see her and to see that she is doing well. She is definitely getting back to her old personality and sweet smiles.

4. Peder told me that I am his best and favorite Mommy in the whole world. He also kissed my owie when Mari stepped on my foot. He melts my heart every day.

5. I took another nap on the chaise lounge today. Ahhhh, I L-O-V-E naps.

A great way to sum up the weekend. Now I need to start getting ready for my scrapbook retreat next weekend. WA-HOO! We have another busy week before I leave and have a lot to do, but I'm really excited.

What A Zoo!

This morning we took the kids to the Minnesota Zoo. What a blast! The kids had a great time looking at and pointing at all the animals. We learned a quick lesson....the stroller will no longer be brought on outings like this. None of the kids wanted to be in it and it just became a cumbersome thing to push around. In the future it will be a compactly packed diaper bag and four free hands rather then three.

After we got home from the zoo Jake's brother, his wife and their kids came over and played. Peder and his cousin had a blast playing, even though there were some naughty spots along the way.

It's been a great, relaxing day. Here are some pictures from our zoo trip. FUN!

Me with the kiddos on a big bronze turtle. Yes, Emmy has the tag to her blanket in her mouth.

The kids looking at the Sunshine Bear. Very cute and EXCITING!

Peder looking at a gigantic fish. It scared the living daylights out of the little girl on the left of the picture when it popped out in front of her.

Emmy and Daddy looking at the animals. How cute!

For a large part of the walk through the Tropics Trail, the girls would switch between Jake and me. Of course, they had to both be with the same parent. We were switching A LOT because boy does that make your arms tired.

The kids looking at the otters with Daddy.

Emmy and I checking out the Babboons.

At the shark and fish tank. This was very exciting to them!

Peder looking at the big shark swimming by. Exciting and scary all at the same time.

Mari was the first to cash out after we left the zoo. She lost her pacifier within 3 minutes.

The Great Debate

I had my first Parent Advisory Board (PAB) meeting tonight. It was a "test" meeting to see if it would be something I would like to participate on. I was excited and a bit nervous about going and was REALLY hopeful that I would love it. I didn't....but I don't know how I feel about it. I see the potential for great things to happen with that group, but I also felt like there were some very overpowering personalities and that some people did not get heard because of that. It was just odd to me....one woman went on for at least 10 minutes about parents advocating for themselves and how she came with a "warning sign" that if a nurse ever did anything to hurt her child they better watch out. I was like, "um, huh?" It seemed so odd to me to be talking about that while we were brainstorming for goals or plans for the PAB. It didn't apply.

I think there were a lot of very strong personalities there and I felt like some of the parents were used to being the only ones who talked. That bothered me, because there were things I wanted to say and that others wanted to say that couldn't happen because we had a limited amount of time and those people were talking so much.

My main issue is I want to be an advocate for Emmy and other families that have to go through hospitalizations, but I don't know if I would have the opportunity to do that there.

I'm very conflicted right now.

Healing

I've had a lot of thoughts going through my mind since the last time I wrote. Life was very scary there for awhile and every moment seems to be filled with random thoughts about it. It's odd, my life will never be the same. I will never think of things in the same way and I think my appreciation for the little things has been magnified significantly.

So once again, this will be a post of random thoughts. It's how my mind is working these days.

1. Blood donation has become a very important thing to me. I learned that after I posted about it on Emmy's Caring Bridge page that people who have never donated before were going to. The biggest thing I have heard is the result of my Grandpa sharing Emmy's story at work. Thanks to those planning to donate in Emmy's honor!

2. Peder and I had a slumber party last night. It was SO much fun. We watched Kung Fu Panda and Horton Hears a Who. I woke up several times throughout the night with either him sleeping with his head on my belly or his arm thrown over me. I love having such a snuggly little boy.

3. All three of my kiddos at home, sitting in their chairs and snuggling a stuffed animal. Emmy still looks very sickly, but boy is she happy to be home! The dog that Peder is snuggling was my Grandpa Pederson's when he was younger. It comes down off the bookshelf on special occasions.

4. Hilarity ensues at the Early household. When the kids are all crabby I have a habit of putting crazy things on my head. Twice in my life I have pulled out the big guns and put a diaper on my head (clean, of course!). Both times a child has ended up with said diaper on their head. This time it was Mari's turn. Notice that she's not crabby? Mission Accomplished.

5. This afternoon I made 6 birthday cards and 12 thank you cards. It was nice to be back in my scrap area, but what I really wanted to be doing was working on was some scrapbook pages of the kiddos.

6. I am horribly behind on responding to notes and e-mails. HORRIBLY BEHIND! If you have sent me one in the last 3 weeks, I'm hoping to get to responding in the next day or two, hopefully once my exhaustion has been conquered.

7. I'm having trouble falling asleep. My mind won't stop reliving the last couple of weeks. To think a week ago Emmy was intubated and we were praying that there were no more bleeds. I can't stop thinking about how close we came to losing her and I'm terrified of it happening again.

8. Emmy is dealing with severe anxiety. She has a hard time falling asleep and will cry for long periods before dropping off. We're quite certain this is because of the latest hospitalization and are hoping that we can ease her fears the longer we're at home.

9. I really miss my book group. Those ladies are so great and it's been awhile since I've been with them for more then one week in a row. I'm hoping that starting next week I can be there more regularly.

10. I miss my Special Kids Special Needs moms from my Mothers of Multiples group. I haven't seen them since October. TOO LONG! I get to see them on Thursday at the large group meeting. WA-HOO!

11. I will be attending my first meeting of the Parent Advisory Board on Wednesday to see if it is a good fit for me. I'm pretty excited. We'll be looking at furniture options for the new Children's hospital they are building.

12. I'm searching for peace in our life again. Getting back into our routine. I've been craving this for almost 2 months now. I'm hoping now is the time for that to happen.

Off to relax in front of the TV while Jake is at poker. A nice quiet night at home, wishing I was snuggling with my hubby. :)

Mr. Fix-It

Peder wanted to fix Emmy and sat over her bed moving his hands around and saying, "Fix, fix, fix. I'm fixing you Emmy!" Jake talked to Peder this morning and told him that all of his fixing had helped Emmy feel better today. Peder got very excited about that. He'll be arriving soon for another visit.

Peder in his gown and mask so he could visit Emmy.

Looking over Emmy between "fixes."

Talking to Emmy and saying hi.

Heartbroken

That is the only way to describe how I am feeling right now. I am heartbroken for all three of my children. I'm doing my best to try to balance taking care of them, but it's REALLY hard to do when one of them is in PICU and very sick.

I'm heartbroken for Emmy. That she has to go through this crud. That she is in pain and doesn't know what is going on. That I can't make it all better with a kiss, the way owies are supposed to be taken care of. I want to be laying in that hospital bed rather then her.

I'm heartbroken for Mari. She has a nasty chest cold and is absolutely miserable. I went home to pack some things for the hospital and to see Peder and Mari before they headed up to my parents. Mari followed me around, clung to me, snuggled me, and cried when I tried to pack my clothes. It breaks my heart that she is not feeling well and I can't give her the comfort and snuggle time she needs from her mommy.

I'm heartbroken for Peder. He showered me with love and affection yesterday and we had some nice chats while I was home. He kept telling me that he wanted to stay home and he wanted me. When it was time for them to leave I handed him off to my dad, he burst into tears and cried, "I want my mommy." Every time we talk to him on the phone he tells us he wants one or both of us. He doesn't understand what is going on and he just wants to be home and to play with Mommy and Daddy.

So I'm heartbroken and torn, because all my kids need me right now and I need to figure out how to be there for all of them. My parents are bringing Peder and Mari tonight and we're going to all go get dinner in the cafeteria and spend some time hanging out in the family lounge. This will give us a chance to spend some time with them and my parents can visit Emmy. We're hoping that once Emmy is out of PICU we can rearrange how we're doing things and one of us can be home with Peder and Mari every morning until nap time in the afternoon and then head over here for the rest of the day.

This has been a really hard thing for me. I miss my kiddos and I want to be there for all of them. I want to be able to do something fun and not worry about medical issues for awhile....

Random Thoughts

I have a bunch of random thoughts for today. My mind is streaming random, unconnected thoughts, so that's what you're getting.

- I'm SO happy to be home and have all three kids within arms reach.

- I've never been so angry on behalf of someone else as I was Saturday night/Sunday morning on behalf of Emmy. I was finally calmed down enough today to tell our doctor about how angry I was at the on-call resident and how his actions made me feel. He told me that he will talk to him and it won't happen again.

- Be nice to your nurses, it results in FABULOUS care on behalf of your child or yourself.

- I was asked to be on the Parent Advisory Board at the University of Minnesota's Children's Hospital. There are 16 parents and 8 hospital faculty, doctors, etc. I'm thinking of joining.

- I'm exhausted. I really want to get back into a regular schedule here, but every time I try something big comes up that prevents it.

- I'm very thankful for the care our children receive from their medical providers.

- My parents are WONDERFUL! They met us at the ER at midnight on Saturday to bring Peder and Mari back to our house and have taken care of them during every one of Emmy's hospitalizations. They've been helpful both emotionally and by taking care of our kiddos.

- We got home today and someone from church had brought over food. She was hoping to get it to us before we got home. There were at least 3 meals of food in the bags she brought. Another example of the generosity of our friends and family.

- A friend just asked me about information on a medical condition that is similar to Emmy's. Her friend's son was born with it. I offered to talk to her if she wanted to talk to another parent...I would have liked that after Emmy was born.

- When I get down in the dumps I want to spend money. I've been showing great self-restraint.

- I'm SO thankful for my friends and family. These times would be even more difficult without their love and support.

That's all for now....Mari needs some cuddling.

My Beautiful Children

Taken in December....aren't they snuggly?

Joy

There is no other way to describe how I'm feeling. My heart breaks every time Emmy whimpers and I feel horrible when her pain isn't well managed, but I see the future in that bare belly and I feel JOY.

I made the doctor tear up today. I told him that today would be the first time I'd every see Emmy's belly without stomas. She was flashed at me right after she was born and within minutes they discovered her medical issue. She was wrapped like a little burrito, I got to hold her and we took some pictures and then she was taken to the special care nursery. Later, before she left for Children's Hospital, I got to hold her again, but she was once again wrapped like a little burrito. So today, at about 3:30p, was the first time I had ever seen her with a flat belly. Anyway, he teared up when I told him that. Then I thanked him and gave him a hug....and his tears welled. An amazing doctor and I hope that today he knew how much what he does makes a difference in the lives of his patients and their families. Yes, he will be getting a gushing thank you card from me....he needs to know that I know how wonderful he is. And come to think of it, our pediatrician needs to know it too. A couple of doctors are going to get thank yous in the mail next week.

Today I am filled with love and joy. I think of the love that I am surrounded by and I tear up. I've cried tears of joy throughout the day today, because I can't contain the joy in my body and the only way for them to come out is in tears.

I have a wonderful family. A wonderful husband. A wonderful extended family. Wonderful friends. A wonderful support network. A wonderful church family. A wonderful life.

My life is JOY!

Hope

Today my life is filled with hope. Today is a historic day. A wonderful day. Our country inaugurated it's first African American president. Almost 46 years ago Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his infamous "I Have a Dream" speech. I'm SO proud of our nation. I have hope for the future of our nation. The future of my fellow citizens. The future of our world.

This is not the only reason my day is filled with hope. I have more hope for Emmy. Tomorrow is a HUGE day for us. This is the culmination of what we have been waiting for since we found out about all of her medical issues. Tomorrow is the day that she starts a colostomy bag free life. I cannot tell you how excited we are in our house. There are no words to describe how we are feeling right now. I'm SO excited for what the future holds.

So I will end today's post with a picture of Emmy's last ever bag change. The end of an era, and the beginning of a whole new way of life.

Yes We Can

My friend Jill posted this on her blog in November. I'm posting it here today because I LOVE IT! YES WE CAN! And yes I teared up.

Counting down

Emmy giving me a sweet, SWEET hug.

The count down began on Saturday. We're VERY excited for this upcoming surgery. After Jake got done changing Emmy's bag tonight he looked at her with a big grin on her face and said, "Only one more time Emmy, and then we're ALL DONE!" I was standing there watching them grin at each other and I teared up. I'm SO excited that I cried. I know the morning of the surgery will be nerve-wracking and I'll be a total spaz, but I cannot even put into words how excited we are about what the future holds. I've been talking to Peder about Emmy's surgery and hospitalization. I asked him today at dinner what the surgery meant for Emmy and he said, "No more bags!"

I've been a very busy bee today. I made myself a massive list of things that I wanted to get done before Emmy's surgery and I made some GREAT progress on it. I have some big things to get done tomorrow, but I might actually have some free time tomorrow night. AWESOME!

Jake is still VERY sick. I made him go to the doctor today just to ease my worries about him having something more serious then a cold. The doctor doesn't think so, so that's a relief. He got a special mask to wear while he's coughing at the hospital. I think this will mean I'm taking Emmy back to the OR. That will be a bit heart-wrenching for me.

So we have one more bag change and one more dilation and then we're done with that stage of Emmy's medical issues. It doesn't mean it's the end of dealing with this medical issue, just the colostomy bags and dilations. I'm ready for the next step.

In 48 hours we're on to pain management and figuring out what she needs next. WA-HOO!

My 99 Things

So 3 of my blogger pals have done this and I thought it would be interesting to do to.

99 Things
Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog. (Hello!)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band. (I'm counting middle school band. I played percussion.)
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. (Both.)
8. Climbed a mountain. (Mission trips to Colorado and Wyoming helped with this, but I don't think you should imagine me doing this great feat. They were "manageable" climbs.)
9. Held a praying mantis. (We always had them outside one of our houses growing up.)
10. Sang a solo. (In church plays, etc.)
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. (I've been on two cruises, saw a couple of storms come in.)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. (I'm counting scrapbooking, because I just kind of started doing it.)
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning. (Numerous times. Why must I have such a weak immune system?)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight. (They are more frequent now that I have a rowdy 3 year old.)
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Mental Health Days ROCK!)
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (Only playing wiffle ball in the backyard with my dad. But it counted then, so it counts now. :))
32. Been on a cruise. (Two....our honeymoon and a Texaribbean.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. (One of my most favorite places that I've ever visited.)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community. (Many a time. We went to Intercourse, PA when I was in high school. My grandpa thought it was GREAT!)
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke. (This used to be fun in college after a few drinks. Now I prefer going dancing.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. (Jake is really into art and drew me while we were on our honeymoon. It wasn't a painting, but close enough.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. (We went snorkeling when we were swimming with the Sting Rays on our honeymoon. I'm not very good at it and get claustrophobic.)
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud. (My sister and I had a FANTASTIC time doing this when we moved into our new house between 7th and 8th grade. The yard hadn't been landscaped yet and after a HUGE storm we went and made complete messes of ourselves.)
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre. (Many times. I think we went 3 times last summer alone.)
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served in a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason. (I rarely get flowers for a reason. Jake prefers to give them to me "just because" and just to make me smile. I think they only time I ever got them for a reason was when Peder was born. I would have gotten them for the girls too, but his mind was on other things.)
64. Donated blood.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. (My teddy bear Butterscotch. He still sits on Peder's bookshelf)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt. (I made one for Jake our first Christmas together, helped my mom make one for Jake, made one for my mother-in-law and a photo quilt for Jake's grandma.)
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job. (My first one. I was fired the same night that I "saved a life." So I think it was a fair trade off.)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone. (Many. My middle finger, my thumb twice, pretty sure I broke my tailbone and I separated my pelvis.)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. (My guess is that my dad didn't always go EXACTLY the speed limit every time I was on it with him.)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car. (My mini-van. It will be with me for many years.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper. (Another small town girl.)
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox. (I was a year and a half old. I've also had shingles, I think I was 6 or 7 for that one.)
89. Saved someone’s life. (Not in the traditional sense, but it's enough for me.)
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club. (At my church. Love it!)
93. Lost a loved one. (I've been lucky and so far have only lost my two great-grandmas that were alive when I was born.)
94. Had a baby. (Three. I got a two for one deal with the second pregnancy.)
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone. (We don't even have a land line.)
99. Been Stung by a bee. (A couple of times, but I think it's been 10-20 years since the last time.)

Totals
Already done – 51
Want to do – 35
Haven’t done, no interest - 13

4th of the 4th of the 4th

So Beth tagged me yesterday. I'm supposed to go to the 4th picture in the 4th album on my computer and to write about it.. But because of how I sort my pictures I had to go to the 4th picture in the 4th album of the 4th album. So here it is:

This is a picture of Jake and his older brother John on a Texaribbean cruise we took in March of 2005. We got all gussied up for the formal night on the cruise and this is a picture of the boys in their suits. I'm pretty sure that Jake forgot his dress shoes so he's wearing tennies or something. I was 11 weeks pregnant with Peder on this cruise, had horrible morning sickness and two days that we were at sea were EXTREMELY choppy. We had a great time! I LOVE CRUISES!

I'd love to see your pictures! This is kind of a fun thing!

Trying REALLY hard to stay positive

I've been really trying to stay positive. I've been battling a defeatist attitude for about a week now and have to really tell myself that things WILL get better. Today was another day that felt like it was filled with struggle. This morning my mom called me to tell me that a family friend had died after a very short battle with ALS. It was a difficult journey for his family and just sad news to get this morning.

Then Mari has been sick. She has had diarrhea and actually vomited this evening. We ended up taking her in to the doctor to get checked because she was dealing with such horrible chills and her hands and lips were purple.

Jake is still battling his illness, whatever it is.

I had my first physical therapy appointment this afternoon. It was painful and I learned that because I've been compensating for the pain in my left hip so much that I created issues for my right hip. The exercises she gave me are barely anything, but they send me into a great deal of pain. She also gave me new ways to sit, stand and get up from sitting to help retrain my muscles and get my pelvis more stable. She said it's going to be painful, but hopefully we can get it stable and strong. Then she said if I get back into working out that will help stabilize it tremendously. So back to the lifestyle change I made before Emmy got sick over the summer, and I will need to exercise consistently for the rest of my life.

But I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to look at the positive in my life and look forward to the good things. I don't want to be whiny. So here are some things that are good in our life and things we have to look forward to.

1. We have a wonderful support system. Our friends and family are SO great to us.
2. Saturday we get to go out to a really nice restaurant with my aunt and uncle. We always laugh with them and it will most definitely be a good time.
3. Emmy is having surgery next week and will no longer have a colostomy bag. What a POSITIVE step.
4. In February, Jake and I are taking a long weekend and heading to Stillwater for 3 nights. We are VERY excited for the opportunity to reconnect, do some fun things together and just hang out together. We've had 2 opportunities for "dates" since Emmy got sick in July. We need this!
5. In February I am taking a long weekend and going to a scrapbooking retreat with my sister-in-law. I am really looking forward to a weekend with a group of ladies who share the same passion as I do. SO FUN!
6. Our children are beautiful, wonderful and sweet. The cute incident of the day: Jake gave each of the kids a milkbone to give to Jesse. Emmy could care less about doing it, but Peder loves it and Mari was interested. Mari gave Jesse the milkbone and Peder gave her a hug and kiss and said, "Good job Mari! I'm SO proud of you!" How cute is that?

So that's a start of what I can remind myself of when I'm starting to feel bummed or just overwhelmed. I KNOW this illness will end, even if there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.