Desperate

That is what I'm feeling right now. Desperate. Desperate to be without pain. It has been almost 2 weeks now of complete and utter pain. I can make it to the bathroom without crutches, but that's about it. Anywhere else I go, the crutches take me there.

Starting two weeks ago tomorrow I started having very severe pubic bone and pelvic pain after doing really well for about a month. Last Thursday it got to the point where I was considering going into the ER to get some help with the pain. Friday morning I called my orthopedist and she gave me a prescription for Lidocaine patches and wanted to see me on Monday. Monday afternoon she did a brief assessment, which mostly consisted of her seeing me in tears from the pain, and decided we would do one of two treatment plans. She wanted me to go to my physical therapy appointment that evening and find out if my hips were out of alignment. If they were, I was going to be scheduled for a cortisone shot into my SI joint. If they weren't and my alignment looked good, I was going to be scheduled for an MRI of my left hip and get a cortisone shot into the front of my hip.

I went to my PT appointment and I was out of alignment, but just a hair. My physical therapist didn't think this was what was causing my sever pain, so she did some tests on my hip. Her conclusion is that she thought I needed both things done and she said that she would call my doctor to let her know that.

So Tuesday morning I had my MRI and my cortisone shot. The cortisone shot was actually easier to handle then the MRI, because laying completely flat with my legs straight is VERY painful on my hip. The shot gave me some relief but only in a very specific part of my hip. It can take up to 7 days to get the full effect, so I'm hoping by next Tuesday it will be helping even more.

Fastforward to this morning and my MRI follow up with my doctor. The MRI showed a Cam Lesion (pictured below, the lesion is the shaded area and is extra bone on the hip).

My orthopedist did not think that this would be causing the amount of pain I am having and if it was the pain would have been helped more by the cortisone shot. So we're back to square one of not knowing what is going on. This was very disappointing to her and upsetting to me. We were both hoping that it would show SOMETHING, we could fix it and then I could get on the road to recovery and a pain free life.

Since that didn't work, we're on to the next step. Tomorrow morning at 9:45a I will be getting a cortisone shot into my SI joint. This is a very painful procedure and I will be sedated for it. At the same time the doctor will be assessing my SI joint to see if she can maybe figure out the cause of my pain. Then on Monday I will be seeing the hip specialist at Summit Orthopedics. The hope there is that he will have more ideas as to what could be causing my issues and we'll get some answers.

Right now I am just trying to make it through the pain. I am not my normal self. If you encounter me, I'm honestly not trying to be rude, but I have very little energy left after dealing with the pain, which makes me VERY crabby. Plus I'm not sleeping well because I'm never comfortable. The little bit of patience I have left is reserved for my children, so the rest of you may experience a whole different me. I apologize in advance if I'm out of it, ignore you, don't respond to emails, phone calls or when you are speaking to me face to face, I'm probably just working really hard not to cry or yell in pain. It's nothing personal, promise.

I would really appreciate prayers for tomorrow morning and Monday. First of all, I'm terrified of needles and am freaking out a bit about having one shoved into my pelvis. Secondly, I would really like this procedure to help with the constant pain. On Monday I am hoping to get answers or at least started on tests that will give me answers.

If you made it this far, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'm suffering and letting that out does make me feel a bit better.

Flowers and an Idea

On Saturday night Peder stayed over at my parents' house after we had spent the day there. We were all supposed to meet for lunch, but I was unable to walk without a great deal of pain (see the crutches in the background, that's how I got around). Peder was very sad that I wasn't there to get him when Jake picked him up. As they were on their way home Peder said to Jake, "Daddy, we should get Mommy flowers." They stopped to get them and Peder picked them out all by himself. Jake provided financial backing. Seriously....he is SUCH a sweet little boy.

Me with the sweetest little boy and the flowers he brought me. You should have seen the smile on his face when he came around the corner from the kitchen with them.

The bouquet in it's place of honor. I can see them from my chair when I can't get around.

More of a close up. He picked out a bouquet with some of my favorite flowers in it. It's gorgeous!

Now onto my idea. I've been really thinking of what I can do to help with blood donation. So I have been seriously considering hosting a blood drive every January in honor of the kids. I'm thinking January because that was when Emmy received her numerous blood transfusions. I have an idea of where to have it and I am really thinking it would be a great way to help others. So I'm thinking in a couple months I'll be contacting the Red Cross to talk to someone about doing a blood drive. If it goes well, it would be my hope to have it be an annual event. Thoughts?

Easter Frills

All of our Easter baskets....only one of the three sources of too much candy.

Mari finally letting me get a picture of her...she had to have a chicken nugget to keep her smiling.

Peder was SO in love with his tie. He wanted to wear it to bed that night.

Emmy was very cooperative. She kept saying "CHEESE!" for me.

The difficult picture with all 3 kids....this is the best we could do.

We had a good Easter weekend, it was pretty exhausting but we had a ton of fun!

Time Out Grandpa!

Peder sent my dad into time out yesterday. I'm still not really sure why, but Peder was hilarious. "Grandpa TIME OUT! Go sit in the chair! No playing! NOW CRY!" HILARIOUS! So Grandpa went to the time out chair and pouted. He instantly got comfort from the girls. It was one of the funniest things I've seen lately....and I got it on camera! Love you Dad!

Nathan Andrew Trent II

Jake and I went to see our new nephew this afternoon while the kids hung out with my parents. Here are some pictures from our trip down to Red Wing. He's SO tiny, but is actually about the same size as the girls were when they were born. Like Jake said, "I always forget how small they are." He's VERY cute and only got mad at me once when I peeked under his hat to see his hair. I still can't believe how blonde he is. What a tiny little cutie and the latest addition to our family for at least the next couple of months.

Me with the little cutie...I grabbed him as soon as was polite. :)

Proud uncle Jake. Jake made him madder then I did....trying to look at his hands.
The cute little family. Tina, baby Nate and Nathan (Jake's youngest brother).

The cross stitch I made for baby Nate. Sorry about the glare, it was the best I could do.

The card I made for them. I thought it turned out pretty cute!

It was nice to go visit them and get a chance to sit and talk and snuggle with a newborn. I got my baby fix!

We're in the paper!

There is a picture of our family in the West Sherburne Tribune from the Easter Egg hunt we went to last Saturday.

I hope to add pictures from our visit with baby Nate sometime later tonight. Till then, follow the link in the newspaper title to see our family picture....we're the second picture down.

I'M AUNTIE AGAIN!

Nathan Andrew Trent II was born around 9:30 this morning.

He was born just over 2 weeks early. He weighs 5 lbs. 13 oz. and is 18 inches long.

It sounds like his mommy is doing well and she had a short labor. I'm VERY jealous of that. We're hoping to see him tomorrow afternoon or evening. I can't wait to see the little bugger!

Easter Egg Hunt

We had a busy weekend, but also had a ton of fun. On Saturday we went to the Big Lake Women of Today's Easter Egg Hunt. The kids seemed to have a good time and Mari won a prize. Emmy freaked out a little bit at first because they said parents weren't allowed in the hunting area (it was enclosed by a fence). That didn't last long...especially for me, when I heard Emmy screaming and saw the panicked look on the Ambassador's face. Mommy to the rescue. All 3 kids got a bucket full of eggs and then enjoyed lunch out with Grandpa and Grandma.

We also had a baby shower on Sunday, but I'll post pictures from that tomorrow. For now you get some kiddos on the search for candy filled eggs.

Peder waiting to get started.

Mari just wanted to run away.

Emmy snuggling with Daddy before the hunt.

You can see all 3 kids in this picture. Mari is in the middle, then Emmy is in the background a bit and Peder is just to the right of her and parallel to Mari. Emmy was not happy and this picture was the beginning of the melt down.

Mommy to the rescue, now she's happily putting eggs in her basket.

Peder proudly displaying his basket full of eggs.

Emmy with Daddy and a basket full of eggs. This is actually fun now!

Grandpa helped us open up all the eggs and dump out the candy and stickers that were inside.

Emmy very happy with one of her eggs.

Not the best picture of Mari, but I'm pretty sure she was asking for help opening an egg.

Not the best picture of me, but the kids and Grandpa are having fun opening up eggs.

Our cute little family still working on finding out what we have in the eggs. Peder has already dug into the candy.

Baskets full of candy. Mmmm, mmmm.

Mari showing me the prize she won. Mickey, Minnie and a school bus that drives by itself.

Mari and I walking back to see everyone else. She was very excited about her prize.

Mari running from Grandma and squealing with delight.

What a fun way to spend the morning! The kids had a blast and so did we. And I have to say, I thought I had the cutest kids there!

Comfort

All day today I have felt like I was hit by a truck. I've been exhausted and barely able to function. All three kids decided to "comfort" me as I was trying to fall asleep on the chaise (the stairs seemed too difficult a challenge). Here is what it looks like when you have three kids and a baby doll "comforting" you in a very small space (notice my half-lidded eyes? I was asleep before they all crawled on top of me):
Emmy giving me a hug.

So you can really tell how cramped the space was.

Can you tell that I'm loved? :)

Taking a Sabbatical

I have decided to take a sabbatical next week, at least from my "extra-curricular" activities in the evenings. No meetings, no book group, and nothing planned at night. I'll go to work on Tuesday and that's it.

We have been so busy lately that I'm exhausted, I haven't been able to get caught up around the house, and I need a bit of a break. So the things that can be set aside for a week so that I can get back on track are going to be.

I've started working on getting things back on track these last couple of days and it will be GREAT to have the time in the evenings to get caught up. LOVE IT!

Just thinking about it makes me feel better!

I seem to be random

I am starting to write posts that are just a compilation of my random thoughts or activities of the time since my last post. A lot of times when I sit down to write my blog it is at the end of the day or when I get a moment of peace, so that is never conducive to a thoughtful post about some of the things I encounter daily. If I had the ability to write daily, you would all know that I can form long complete, thoughtful posts that aren't just a bunch of jibberish. Until then you get the jibberish! :)

1. I continue to be completely enthralled with my and Jake's genealogy. I got the ancestry.com program Family Tree Maker and have been entering information since. It's pretty cool and I'm very excited. I just find it so interesting.

2. I bought the Family Tree Maker program at a "Liquidation Sale" at the St. Paul River Centre. That and the 3 pairs of sunglasses I got made the trip worth it, but we will NEVER go again. I have an issue with crowds and cannot handle strange people bumping into me. Couple that with 2 booths selling perfumes (scent overload) and several booths selling speakers (sound overload) and you get a guarantee of never seeing me at one of those again.

3. We picked out a new paint color for our kitchen walls on Friday. I think we are going to end up with a much nicer kitchen, even with just painting the cupboards and walls. We're hoping we can get some new countertops in the next couple of months too. This "remodel" is just a little project to get it looking somewhat nice until we can do the one we're planning in a couple of years.

4. A quote from the book my book group is reading right now, Speaking of Faith by Krista Tippett:

I sense that seeing the world the way God sees the world means, in part,
grieving in places the world does not forgive, and rejoicing in places the world
does not notice. It would mean, therefore, to live with a patience that
culture cannot sustain, and with a hope the world cannot imagine.

I love that quote and I see it as a great way to view life and the world. I would LOVE to say thaqt I have great patience, but I DON'T. It is something I've really been trying to work on, but seem to be failing miserably at. I told Jake the other day that I think God always puts slow drivers in front of me to teach me patience and once I learn patience I will no longer get stuck behind slow drivers (it's a joke between us, I always get stuck behind people going 10+ miles below the posted speed limit). Patience is something I REALLY want to have and am trying to learn, but struggle with on a regular basis.

I think I have a great deal of hope. This has really changed about me in recent years. I used to not be a hopeful person, a real pessimist actually, but now I see things and hope for the best. I do tend to get discouraged at times or when I see a great atrocity committed, but I really do have hope for humanity as a whole.

5. The girls had their first set of pig tails today. Pretty stinkin' cute.

6. Peder crawls into bed with us every weekend morning and snuggles between Jake and I before we head downstairs and get the girls. I love that we that and how cute he is tucked under the covers between us.

7. Jake is such a good hubby and daddy. I love watching him with the kids. They have their little routines that they do and they are just so cute when they play.

Circumstance and Family

I had a fabulous weekend at my scrapbooking retreat. I got 35 layouts done, which was awesome. I got completely done with all the pictures I had printed for Mari (through June 0f 2008) and did my 38 week pregnancy pictures for Emmy's album. I stopped working at that point because I was getting so emotional looking at her newborn pictures that I decided to just work on those pages at home. So since my monthly dinner with my Special Kids Special Needs group was cancelled, I'm going to get started on those pages.

Here is one of the pictures in Emmy's 38 week pregnancy layout. This was the morning the girls were born....exactly 38 weeks.

Looking at those pictures of Emmy brought back memories of when Peder was born. He had pretty bad jaundice and we had to have a special light blanket here at home to help him break up the bilirubin. A nurse came and explained to me how to use it and after she left I burst into tears because I was so worried about Peder. It amazes me how much circumstance can change your perspective.

Peder at 3 days old. Wrapped in his biliblanket to get rid of the jaundice.

Emmy at 3 days, post-operatively and still on the ventilator. Look how far she's come!

My newest thing that I have been into lately is my ancestry and genealogy. I got started when I came across the name Godfrey Diekmann in my book group chapter this week. I had to figure out if I was related to him in some way (through my mom and grandpa's side of the family). I got sucked in to ancestry.com. I entered a ton of information from Jake's side of the family and did a bit of searching about different people from his past. Then last night I took the kids to visit my parents. I went meaning to ask my dad about one book that I knew he had, and I came home with three books about my ancestry and genealogy. Jake and I were up until 12:30a perusing the books and learning a bit about where my family comes from. It's really very cool and I'll probably be talking more about it in the future.

Our Day

Today I woke up crabby. VERY CRABBY. No clue why, it was just how my day was destined to start out. And until about lunch time I was really struggling to remain calm and not get frustrated with the kiddos. For some reason at lunch, it got easier. The kids were happily eating and we just enjoyed that time together.

Then nap time came and both girls woke up at 1p (after being down for less then an hour) with poopy diapers. I laid the girls back down and left them to go back to sleep. They didn't, they played and chatted and threw stuff out of their cribs. At 3p I went in and in my stern Mommy voice said, "Naughty. It is time for nigh-nigh. Lay down and go to sleep." Both girls hung their heads in shame (which is hilarious in itself, Peder NEVER did this) and seemed to be saying, "We're sorry Mommy. We will lay down and go to sleep as soon as you leave the room." That is, until I realized although they were hanging their heads in "shame," they also had little grins on their faces behind their pacifiers. So in reality they were saying, "We're sorry Mommy. We'll try to be quieter. Will you please leave now so we can get back to playing?" Amazing how a sneaky grin can change what they are saying, isn't it?

Then after they did fall asleep for a bit I went in and got Emmy. She was in a FABULOUS mood. Giggling and chatting, dancing and just in general a happy girl. This made my mood soar and I left for the errands I had to run in a great mood, smiling about my giggly girl.

For those of you who drive Robert Street often, you know as I do that the driving on this road is HORRIBLE. I see idiotic drivers elsewhere and say, "Wow that is some Robert Street driving." Granted, the street is horribly set up and with the amount of traffic on it on any given day it can be a nightmare to turn on to, but even with those things, the driving is just DUMB most of the time. I encountered 3 really dumb drivers on drive and one dad swearing at his 8-10 year old son. Back to being grumpy.

I walked in the door and got greeted by three little kids yelling, "HI MOMMY! HI MOMMY! HI MOMMY!" Now how can I resist that? I got a ton of love and hugs and kisses and it makes it great to come home!

I'm preparing for my weekend away. I'll be leaving when Jake gets home from work tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday afternoon. A weekend filled with scrapbooking, food and other scrapbookers. WA-HOO!

A couple of funny things the kids are doing lately:

- Mari runs around the house being silly and saying, "I SO SILLY!" It's hilarious.

- Emmy had a dirty diaper tonight and I didn't realize the minute it happened. She climbed off the couch and started pushing down her pants and diaper saying, "Uh OH! UH OH!"

- I told Peder to go into time out for hitting the computer. Mari walked into Peder's room and beat Peder to the "time out chair." I looked in there and they were both half sitting on the chair in time out.

I hope you all are doing well and I will write again when I get home from my weekend of fun!

The End of the Weekend

Today was a good weekend. We had a ton of fun yesterday and today was a very relaxing day. We went to church, grabbed lunch on the way home (a new tradition) and Jake was the only one who didn't take a nap this afternoon (well, Peder technically didn't, but he had quiet time). We played the evening away and just enjoyed some family time at home. So besides the fact that yesterday was horrible on my hips, back and pelvis, we had an excellent day.

Some fun little tidbits from our day:
1. We saw about 10 wild turkeys on the side of the road on our way home from church. One of them was pushing 40 pounds....he was the BIGGEST wild turkey Jake or I had ever seen.

2. Mari went upstairs with Jake and after coming back downstairs she "put the gate back up." At least in the way a 19 month old can. Pretty cute.

3. Emmy giggled and flirted in church today. Everyone was SO happy to see her and to see that she is doing well. She is definitely getting back to her old personality and sweet smiles.

4. Peder told me that I am his best and favorite Mommy in the whole world. He also kissed my owie when Mari stepped on my foot. He melts my heart every day.

5. I took another nap on the chaise lounge today. Ahhhh, I L-O-V-E naps.

A great way to sum up the weekend. Now I need to start getting ready for my scrapbook retreat next weekend. WA-HOO! We have another busy week before I leave and have a lot to do, but I'm really excited.

What A Zoo!

This morning we took the kids to the Minnesota Zoo. What a blast! The kids had a great time looking at and pointing at all the animals. We learned a quick lesson....the stroller will no longer be brought on outings like this. None of the kids wanted to be in it and it just became a cumbersome thing to push around. In the future it will be a compactly packed diaper bag and four free hands rather then three.

After we got home from the zoo Jake's brother, his wife and their kids came over and played. Peder and his cousin had a blast playing, even though there were some naughty spots along the way.

It's been a great, relaxing day. Here are some pictures from our zoo trip. FUN!

Me with the kiddos on a big bronze turtle. Yes, Emmy has the tag to her blanket in her mouth.

The kids looking at the Sunshine Bear. Very cute and EXCITING!

Peder looking at a gigantic fish. It scared the living daylights out of the little girl on the left of the picture when it popped out in front of her.

Emmy and Daddy looking at the animals. How cute!

For a large part of the walk through the Tropics Trail, the girls would switch between Jake and me. Of course, they had to both be with the same parent. We were switching A LOT because boy does that make your arms tired.

The kids looking at the otters with Daddy.

Emmy and I checking out the Babboons.

At the shark and fish tank. This was very exciting to them!

Peder looking at the big shark swimming by. Exciting and scary all at the same time.

Mari was the first to cash out after we left the zoo. She lost her pacifier within 3 minutes.

The Great Debate

I had my first Parent Advisory Board (PAB) meeting tonight. It was a "test" meeting to see if it would be something I would like to participate on. I was excited and a bit nervous about going and was REALLY hopeful that I would love it. I didn't....but I don't know how I feel about it. I see the potential for great things to happen with that group, but I also felt like there were some very overpowering personalities and that some people did not get heard because of that. It was just odd to me....one woman went on for at least 10 minutes about parents advocating for themselves and how she came with a "warning sign" that if a nurse ever did anything to hurt her child they better watch out. I was like, "um, huh?" It seemed so odd to me to be talking about that while we were brainstorming for goals or plans for the PAB. It didn't apply.

I think there were a lot of very strong personalities there and I felt like some of the parents were used to being the only ones who talked. That bothered me, because there were things I wanted to say and that others wanted to say that couldn't happen because we had a limited amount of time and those people were talking so much.

My main issue is I want to be an advocate for Emmy and other families that have to go through hospitalizations, but I don't know if I would have the opportunity to do that there.

I'm very conflicted right now.

Healing

I've had a lot of thoughts going through my mind since the last time I wrote. Life was very scary there for awhile and every moment seems to be filled with random thoughts about it. It's odd, my life will never be the same. I will never think of things in the same way and I think my appreciation for the little things has been magnified significantly.

So once again, this will be a post of random thoughts. It's how my mind is working these days.

1. Blood donation has become a very important thing to me. I learned that after I posted about it on Emmy's Caring Bridge page that people who have never donated before were going to. The biggest thing I have heard is the result of my Grandpa sharing Emmy's story at work. Thanks to those planning to donate in Emmy's honor!

2. Peder and I had a slumber party last night. It was SO much fun. We watched Kung Fu Panda and Horton Hears a Who. I woke up several times throughout the night with either him sleeping with his head on my belly or his arm thrown over me. I love having such a snuggly little boy.

3. All three of my kiddos at home, sitting in their chairs and snuggling a stuffed animal. Emmy still looks very sickly, but boy is she happy to be home! The dog that Peder is snuggling was my Grandpa Pederson's when he was younger. It comes down off the bookshelf on special occasions.

4. Hilarity ensues at the Early household. When the kids are all crabby I have a habit of putting crazy things on my head. Twice in my life I have pulled out the big guns and put a diaper on my head (clean, of course!). Both times a child has ended up with said diaper on their head. This time it was Mari's turn. Notice that she's not crabby? Mission Accomplished.

5. This afternoon I made 6 birthday cards and 12 thank you cards. It was nice to be back in my scrap area, but what I really wanted to be doing was working on was some scrapbook pages of the kiddos.

6. I am horribly behind on responding to notes and e-mails. HORRIBLY BEHIND! If you have sent me one in the last 3 weeks, I'm hoping to get to responding in the next day or two, hopefully once my exhaustion has been conquered.

7. I'm having trouble falling asleep. My mind won't stop reliving the last couple of weeks. To think a week ago Emmy was intubated and we were praying that there were no more bleeds. I can't stop thinking about how close we came to losing her and I'm terrified of it happening again.

8. Emmy is dealing with severe anxiety. She has a hard time falling asleep and will cry for long periods before dropping off. We're quite certain this is because of the latest hospitalization and are hoping that we can ease her fears the longer we're at home.

9. I really miss my book group. Those ladies are so great and it's been awhile since I've been with them for more then one week in a row. I'm hoping that starting next week I can be there more regularly.

10. I miss my Special Kids Special Needs moms from my Mothers of Multiples group. I haven't seen them since October. TOO LONG! I get to see them on Thursday at the large group meeting. WA-HOO!

11. I will be attending my first meeting of the Parent Advisory Board on Wednesday to see if it is a good fit for me. I'm pretty excited. We'll be looking at furniture options for the new Children's hospital they are building.

12. I'm searching for peace in our life again. Getting back into our routine. I've been craving this for almost 2 months now. I'm hoping now is the time for that to happen.

Off to relax in front of the TV while Jake is at poker. A nice quiet night at home, wishing I was snuggling with my hubby. :)