Remembering...

*This is a warning.  This could very well be a rambling, emotional post.  Be warned that it may be full of random thoughts and tears on my keyboard.*

Eight and a half years ago, right after we got married, Jake and I went to the Last Hope Adoption Day at our local PetCo.  Sitting there looking for a home was a 6 month old yellow lab.  He was super sweet and later that day he came home with us. He very quickly became "my"dog and an important member of the family. That 6 month old yellow lab turned into my sweet, gigantic (95 pound) lap dog.

Today we said good-bye to Jesse.  Last Friday he started acting lethargic and was starting to limp around.  We thought his arthritis was acting up, so gave him something for the pain. He continued to act that way and by Tuesday Jake had to carry him to his vet appointment.  It was then that we discovered the horrible truth: Jesse had severe internal bleeding, most likely from a tumor in his spleen.  There is very little that can be done for it, and research is currently being done to hopefully find a genetic cause, because then they can breed it out of the dogs.  Sadly, it was already too late for Jesse.

We had 3 days to come to terms with it, question ourselves and spoil him rotten.  This evening, just before 5p, Jesse went to God while I scratched his ears and the vet rubbed his neck.  All 3 of us who were in the room cried and with each memory came fresh tears.

Memories, like how he would snuggle with me every chance he got.  I would often fall asleep with my face buried in his fur and wake up the same way, because he would lay in Jake's spot when he wasn't in bed.

Memories like when we would go to our friends Allison and Monty's cabin, Jesse would head down to the lake and just swim in circles, because he loved the water so much.

Memories like constantly being crushed under my gigantic lap dog.  According to Jake I train those around me to want to snuggle or sit on my lap and I started with the dogs. 

Memories like how he was so good with kids, especially our kids, and how he put up with their crazy behavior.

Memories like the ones that had me thinking "a boy and his dog."  Jesse would sleep on the bed with Peder, follow him around and they would give each other random affection.

Memories like his adorable smile and perked up ears. How being around us could always get that smile and happy ears.  It makes me remember when he could hear (his hearing was pretty much gone because of ear infections that became immune to anitbiotics) and every time he heard a dog bark on TV he would stand in front of it and cock his head back and forth.

Memories like his deep affection for Jake and how sometimes that deep affection would result in him constantly pestering Jake....nudging him, rubbing against him, leaning on him, anything to be next to him.

 Memories of "my dog."  My snuggler.  My best fur buddy.  My sweet, loving, gentle giant.  Jesse, I love you, and you will be missed.